When I wrote my last blog post, I thought life here at the
home was difficult trying to care for the three boys I was responsible
for. Less than two weeks after sharing
that post, my world was about to be rocked and “difficult” would take on a
whole new meaning. One month ago today,
we received three brothers, Diogo, Kaua, and Maycon (ages 10, 5, and 4). We knew there was a possibility they would
come and I even mentioned it the last time I wrote, but what I never imagined
is just how challenging these new boys would prove to be. Kaua and Mayon are literally unlike any
children I have ever met before (and I have worked with a lot of kids!). These boys are extremely aggressive, sexually
aware, fond of swear words, outright defiant, and have some serious destructive
tendencies. Within the past month, I have
had to learn more Portuguese swear words than I would like to know, have had
more than one chair thrown at me (and broken in the process), have had to break
up too many fights to count, have been kicked, scratched, and hit numerous
times (and still have the battle scars to prove it), and I have been peed and
spit on more times than I care to admit in my struggles with these new boys. And it has been difficult. And after these
boys came, I was once again ready to pack up my bags and leave thinking that
this is pretty much impossible. I just
can’t handle these 6 boys on my own. And
that’s when He gently reminds me, I am not alone. And I find myself clinging to the truth found
in Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am
your God. I will strengthen you and help
you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Last month, not too long after these new boys arrived and on
a day when I found myself completely overwhelmed, I read two different passages
that I know was not by coincidence. The
Lord used them to both convict and challenge me. The first was from the Dialogues of Fénelon, “Happy are they who are ready to accept
everything; who never say, “It is too much”; who depend, not on themselves, but
upon the Almighty.” I must admit, after
these new boys came, I found myself somewhat frustrated at the expectations
that were placed on me to now have these 6 kids under my care and kids with
extreme issues at that. But I realized that this frustration came because I was relying on myself and trying to do it on my own strength, and was utterly failing. That same day, I was also reading in 2
Corinthians and came across these verses that resonated so deeply within me. In the first chapter, Paul is talking about
the hardships they faced in Asia and says, “We were under great pressure, far
beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our
hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely
on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril,
and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to
deliver us.” Yes, life with these new
boys was (and still is) difficult. Most
of the time, the challenges are so great that I feel beyond my ability to
endure, but I know that God is using this time of trial so that I will learn to
rely not on myself but on the only One who is able to see me through. Once again, He causes me to come to the end
of myself and recognize that apart from Him, I really can’t do it on my own. I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn,
but I have set my hope on Him and trust in His faithfulness.
–Oswald Chambers
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