Well after 13 months, one knee surgery, and countless
problems obtaining my visa, I have finally arrived back in Brasil J The past two and a half weeks at Nepo have
been full of numerous changes and just as many ups and downs. During my first two days here, several
meetings took place with the Board of Directors which resulted in the director
and his wife, another couple, and another worker being let go. Gerson and Marcela are now the acting
directors and the rest of our team consists of myself, Mirtes and João (a couple
who has worked here for over 30 years), and Valdeci (the farmer who lives here
during the week with his two boys). Not
only has our staff gone from 12 down to 6, but the number of boys who are here
has also greatly decreased. Last year
when I arrived, there were 37 boys living here.
This year there are 8. Although
there are very few boys, the daily work is still very demanding. With so many changes in the staff, we had to
figure out a whole new schedule and set of responsibilities for each of us. We also had to make many changes to the
living situations. When I arrived, I was
living with Gerson and Marcela again in their guest room. However, by the second week, I had moved into
the guest house with the three youngest boys (who are all brothers). We broke down part of the wall in-between
Gerson’s and Marcela’s house and the guest house and installed a door which now
makes it “one” big house. The older boys
who were living in the guest house side have now moved back into the dormitory
and I will stay with the three youngest on the one side of the house.
My primary responsibility is to care for the three youngest,
Allison , age 5, Alifer, age 7, and Reginaldo, age 9. It has been challenging to say the
least. They have many behavioral issues,
specifically Allison who is used to throwing temper tantrums and getting
whatever he wants. My day begins with
them at 5:30 when we wake up to get ready for school and things don’t really
calm down until they go to bed around 9:30.
Life the past few weeks has been difficult for both them and me as we
adjust to all of the changes and are trying to settle into a routine.
Yesterday morning, I wrote the following as part of an email
to my intercessors (a support group of close family and friends who daily lift
me up in prayer):
The three boys know that when
they come home from school, they change their clothes, eat snack, play, and
then take showers before dinner. Well yesterday, Alifer and Allison were
absolutely defiant at every step of the routine. Alifer wouldn't change
his clothes, Allison screamed his head off for 10 minutes in the shower because
he didn't want to take a shower (this was after he had purposely peeded in the
shower instead of the toilet before getting in), Alifer wouldn't put his
clothes away after his shower, Allison screamed because he didn't want to go to
bed, etc. etc. And I found myself crying in the bathroom as Allison is
screaming because I don't know enough Portuguese to correct him in a way I would like to, to train him,
and even if I did, it wouldn't matter because when you try to talk to him and discipline
him, he tries to hit you or kick you or run away. And so as I stand there
crying, I am thinking....”I can't do this, I want to go home, two years is
such a long time, it's too overwhelming, I just can't do this.” And this
I know, I can't do this, but He can....for apart from Him, I can do nothing
(John 15:5). I also know that His grace is sufficient for me and His
power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) and I am trying to
cling to these truths. But I am weary and discouraged and on top of it
all, yesterday Gerson told me that the judge will be making a decision on the 7
sibling group soon, but that most likely we will end up with more children
(girls, boys, and/or a baby) sometime this week. And I think, “God, how
will this happen, we are barely staying afloat now, how could we possibly do it
with more kids?”.....and again, I know to fear not, for when we pass through
the waters, He will be with us and when we pass through the rivers, they will
not sweep over us (Isaiah 43:2). So please, pray for me, pray for
us. I know that there is a battle waging...the devil wants nothing more
than to discourage me and make me question my calling. He wants to fill
me with these doubts, but I know that in Christ is the victory. So please
pray that I will stand firm and let nothing move me, giving myself fully to
this work of the Lord because I know that my labor is not in vain (1 Corinthians
15:57-58).
Tonight, I want to leave you with the following quotes from Fénelon
taken from the Lamplighter’s Classics book, Dialogues
of Fénelon. They have been very
convicting and a good reminder for me during these challenging days:
“Never
forget how God has dealt and does deal with you continually, how gently and
patiently. Let that be your example;
learn from Him how to deal with others.”
“The
other duty which you owe to yourself is not to be discouraged, either by
experience of your weakness, or by disgust at the agitated life which you
lead. The only point is to be faithful,
patient, and peaceful under the crosses of your present condition, which you
have not chosen, and which God has appointed according to His purposes.”
And finally, my daily motto:
“My
work is not to be well served, but to serve Thee well, to be gentle and patient
under all that disturbs me.”
My heart’s desire is to serve
the Lord well and I daily pray for gentleness and patience in dealing with my
three boys whom I have the privilege of caring for. Please join with me in prayer.
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