The Little Things

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”

I’ve always loved this quote from one of my favorite books, the classic Anne of Green Gables, because I truly relish the month of October with the beauty of the changing leaves and the anticipation of the first snow fall (which normally takes place in Northwest PA during the month of October J ).  However this year, the world I now live in held a very different October for me, one full of birds singing and flowers beginning to bud on the trees.  Yes, spring is in the air here and the heat of the summer season that will soon be upon us has already begun to be felt.  As I reflect back on this month and all of the changes it has brought, I am truly glad for this October as different as it has been.  As I mentioned in my last post, life has been difficult recently, but among all of the challenges, I’ve been seeing the goodness of God in the little things. 

Through different conversations, “coincidences”, and cards, I’ve been blessed with how God truly shows His love through the little things.  Today I’d like to share with you a few of these that have really reminded me that God is not just the God of the “big” things, but He is sovereign over ALL things and I’ve been learning to look for reminders of His love in the little things. 

One of the first examples I’d like to share with you is a conversation that took place in a convenience store in town.  We had picked up the boys from school and Maycon had received a 10 cent piece from his teacher, so we stopped at the store so he could buy a piece of candy.  I went into the little street shop with him and the man who helped us looked at me and said, “You’re not from around here, are you.” I told him that I was from the States and was helping at the orphanage.  He replied that he thought so and then went on to ask me if I remembered Willian (he was one of the toddlers that was at the orphanage last year, but was adopted soon after I arrived).  I replied that I did indeed remember him and the man went on to tell me that it was he and his wife that had adopted Willian.  The man continued on to say that Willian is doing well and has brought so much happiness to their family.  As I walked back to the bus with Maycon and reflected on the exchange, I found myself smiling at the fact that I had successfully made small talk with a complete stranger in Portuguese, but more importantly I found joy in the reminder that the conversation provided that God has a plan and a future for each of these boys (even if it’s hard to see it in the day-to-day) and that Lord-willing, that might include a “forever family” for them.

Another reminder to me of God’s goodness was seen in a “coincidence” that happened last week.  On my day off, I had made an afternoon trip into town and was sitting at the post office waiting to mail some letters.  As I sat there, I was debating whether or not to just put my letters in the box out front (they already had the stamps on them) or to wait to give them to the clerk (which is normally what I do).  The line was particularly long that day and seeing as it had been over a month and a half since I had been to town to do errands and I still had several places to go, I was about to leave, but felt prompted to stay and wait.  Well, five minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I was obviously a bit surprised and unsure of who I would find when I turned around considering I wasn’t back home at my local post office where it wouldn’t be odd to run into someone I knew, but here in Brasil, who could possibly be tapping me on the shoulder at the post office here?!  I tentatively turned around and much to my relief, I saw Gerson standing there (the director of the orphanage).  After saying hello to each other, he then proceeded to show me how to retrieve the mail from our post office box and told me where the key is kept at the home, but more importantly than that, when he retrieved the mail there happened to be a package notification for me in the mailbox.  As I left the post office that day, package and my letters in hand, I found myself so thankful that I had stayed and truly believe it was not by chance that we happened to both be there at the same time.  You see, not only was the care package I received a bit larger, but I also had to pay a significant amount of money to pick it up (gotta love Brasilian taxes and fees).  Had I not been there and Gerson had to have been the one to pick up the package, he probably would not have had the money (nor would have wanted to pay as much as it was) and it could have potentially made for some misunderstandings as far as cultural sensitivities go.  It’s hard to explain, but just trust me on this one, I definitely didn’t see it as a coincidence that I was there when he received notification of the box and I was certainly thankful for God’s provision in allowing this encounter to take place.  Not to mention the actual box, which was full of a bunch of things that reminded me of home and was a physical reminder of God’s blessings J

Finally, I’d like to share a very dear example to me of how God truly shows His goodness in the littlest things and that often they can mean the most.  A few weeks ago, I had some inquiries from two friends about if I needed anything or wanted them to send something down.  My reply was that unless they could send a hug from my mom through the mail, I really didn’t need anything.   Fast forward to a few days later when Gerson brings me a few letters that had come for me.  One of them was from my mom and this is what I saw when I opened it up:

 

With tears in my eyes, I looked at the date on the front and saw that it was mailed a few days before I had replied to my friends that all I wanted was a hug from my mom.  Yes, God in His goodness did indeed send a hug from my mom through the mail and that day it felt as though my heart would burst as I was once again reminded of His overwhelming love for me in the littlest of things. 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said, “We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and yet really not small) gifts.” God so often pours out His blessings on me in the smallest details and everyday occurrences and I fail to thank Him or even recognize them at times.  So, I’m learning to look for Him in the little things and praising Him for all things. 

 

I will bless the Lord at all times;
    his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
 My soul makes its boast in the Lord;

let the humble hear and be glad.
 Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!

 

I sought the Lord, and he answered me
    and delivered me from all my fears.
 Those who look to him are radiant,
    and their faces shall never be ashamed.

 

This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
    and saved him out of all his troubles.

 The angel of the Lord encamps     

around those who fear him, and delivers them.

 

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
 Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,

for those who fear him have no lack!

-Psalm 34:1-9

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Definition of Difficult

When I wrote my last blog post, I thought life here at the home was difficult trying to care for the three boys I was responsible for.  Less than two weeks after sharing that post, my world was about to be rocked and “difficult” would take on a whole new meaning.  One month ago today, we received three brothers, Diogo, Kaua, and Maycon (ages 10, 5, and 4).  We knew there was a possibility they would come and I even mentioned it the last time I wrote, but what I never imagined is just how challenging these new boys would prove to be.  Kaua and Mayon are literally unlike any children I have ever met before (and I have worked with a lot of kids!).  These boys are extremely aggressive, sexually aware, fond of swear words, outright defiant, and have some serious destructive tendencies.  Within the past month, I have had to learn more Portuguese swear words than I would like to know, have had more than one chair thrown at me (and broken in the process), have had to break up too many fights to count, have been kicked, scratched, and hit numerous times (and still have the battle scars to prove it), and I have been peed and spit on more times than I care to admit in my struggles with these new boys.  And it has been difficult.  And after these boys came, I was once again ready to pack up my bags and leave thinking that this is pretty much impossible.  I just can’t handle these 6 boys on my own.  And that’s when He gently reminds me, I am not alone.  And I find myself clinging to the truth found in Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Last month, not too long after these new boys arrived and on a day when I found myself completely overwhelmed, I read two different passages that I know was not by coincidence.  The Lord used them to both convict and challenge me.  The first was from the Dialogues of Fénelon, “Happy are they who are ready to accept everything; who never say, “It is too much”; who depend, not on themselves, but upon the Almighty.”  I must admit, after these new boys came, I found myself somewhat frustrated at the expectations that were placed on me to now have these 6 kids under my care and kids with extreme issues at that.  But I realized that this frustration came because I was relying on myself and trying to do it on my own strength, and was utterly failing.  That same day, I was also reading in 2 Corinthians and came across these verses that resonated so deeply within me.  In the first chapter, Paul is talking about the hardships they faced in Asia and says, “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us.”  Yes, life with these new boys was (and still is) difficult.  Most of the time, the challenges are so great that I feel beyond my ability to endure, but I know that God is using this time of trial so that I will learn to rely not on myself but on the only One who is able to see me through.  Once again, He causes me to come to the end of myself and recognize that apart from Him, I really can’t do it on my own.  I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but I have set my hope on Him and trust in His faithfulness. 

 

 God does not ask us to do the things that are naturally easy for us– He only asks us to do the things that we are perfectly fit to do through His grace, and that is where the cross we must bear will always come.

–Oswald Chambers

Back Where I Belong :)

Well after 13 months, one knee surgery, and countless problems obtaining my visa, I have finally arrived back in Brasil J  The past two and a half weeks at Nepo have been full of numerous changes and just as many ups and downs.  During my first two days here, several meetings took place with the Board of Directors which resulted in the director and his wife, another couple, and another worker being let go.  Gerson and Marcela are now the acting directors and the rest of our team consists of myself, Mirtes and João (a couple who has worked here for over 30 years), and Valdeci (the farmer who lives here during the week with his two boys).  Not only has our staff gone from 12 down to 6, but the number of boys who are here has also greatly decreased.  Last year when I arrived, there were 37 boys living here.  This year there are 8.  Although there are very few boys, the daily work is still very demanding.  With so many changes in the staff, we had to figure out a whole new schedule and set of responsibilities for each of us.  We also had to make many changes to the living situations.  When I arrived, I was living with Gerson and Marcela again in their guest room.  However, by the second week, I had moved into the guest house with the three youngest boys (who are all brothers).  We broke down part of the wall in-between Gerson’s and Marcela’s house and the guest house and installed a door which now makes it “one” big house.  The older boys who were living in the guest house side have now moved back into the dormitory and I will stay with the three youngest on the one side of the house. 

My primary responsibility is to care for the three youngest, Allison , age 5, Alifer, age 7, and Reginaldo, age 9.  It has been challenging to say the least.  They have many behavioral issues, specifically Allison who is used to throwing temper tantrums and getting whatever he wants.  My day begins with them at 5:30 when we wake up to get ready for school and things don’t really calm down until they go to bed around 9:30.  Life the past few weeks has been difficult for both them and me as we adjust to all of the changes and are trying to settle into a routine. 

Yesterday morning, I wrote the following as part of an email to my intercessors (a support group of close family and friends who daily lift me up in prayer):

The three boys know that when they come home from school, they change their clothes, eat snack, play, and then take showers before dinner.  Well yesterday, Alifer and Allison were absolutely defiant at every step of the routine.  Alifer wouldn't change his clothes, Allison screamed his head off for 10 minutes in the shower because he didn't want to take a shower (this was after he had purposely peeded in the shower instead of the toilet before getting in), Alifer wouldn't put his clothes away after his shower, Allison screamed because he didn't want to go to bed, etc. etc.  And I found myself crying in the bathroom as Allison is screaming because I don't know enough Portuguese to correct him in a way I would like to, to train him, and even if I did, it wouldn't matter because when you try to talk to him and discipline him, he tries to hit you or kick you or run away.  And so as I stand there crying, I am thinking....”I can't do this, I want to go home, two years is such a long time, it's too overwhelming, I just can't do this.”  And this I know, I can't do this, but He can....for apart from Him, I can do nothing (John 15:5).  I also know that His grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) and I am trying to cling to these truths.  But I am weary and discouraged and on top of it all, yesterday Gerson told me that the judge will be making a decision on the 7 sibling group soon, but that most likely we will end up with more children (girls, boys, and/or a baby) sometime this week.  And I think, “God, how will this happen, we are barely staying afloat now, how could we possibly do it with more kids?”.....and again, I know to fear not, for when we pass through the waters, He will be with us and when we pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over us (Isaiah 43:2).  So please, pray for me, pray for us.  I know that there is a battle waging...the devil wants nothing more than to discourage me and make me question my calling.  He wants to fill me with these doubts, but I know that in Christ is the victory.  So please pray that I will stand firm and let nothing move me, giving myself fully to this work of the Lord because I know that my labor is not in vain (1 Corinthians 15:57-58).   

 I wrote that just yesterday morning, but thankfully the Lord’s mercies are new every day and thankfully within the past 36 hours, the Lord has been answering the prayers that are being offered on my behalf and is working in my spirit.  The circumstances have not changed, the work is still hard, the boys are still disobedient, but the Lord has changed my heart, my attitude, and my spirit.  And I praise God for this.  I know there are many hard days ahead, but I know that the Lord will continue to give me grace for the moment and He will see me through that which He has called me to.  I also know that “we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  Therefore, we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 16-18)  I am learning to fix my eyes on Him and trusting that He will continue to fill me with His love to pour out on these boys that so desperately need it. 

Tonight, I want to leave you with the following quotes from Fénelon taken from the Lamplighter’s Classics book, Dialogues of Fénelon.  They have been very convicting and a good reminder for me during these challenging days:

“Never forget how God has dealt and does deal with you continually, how gently and patiently.  Let that be your example; learn from Him how to deal with others.”

“The other duty which you owe to yourself is not to be discouraged, either by experience of your weakness, or by disgust at the agitated life which you lead.  The only point is to be faithful, patient, and peaceful under the crosses of your present condition, which you have not chosen, and which God has appointed according to His purposes.”

And finally, my daily motto:

“My work is not to be well served, but to serve Thee well, to be gentle and patient under all that disturbs me.”

My heart’s desire is to serve the Lord well and I daily pray for gentleness and patience in dealing with my three boys whom I have the privilege of caring for.  Please join with me in prayer. 

Mother's Day 2013

Last year on this day, I received my first Mother’s Day cards, was swarmed with hugs, and greeted with a chorus of “Happy Mother’s Day Kaytch!” from many of the boys.  This year, there were no cards, hugs, or greetings, because instead of being back at Nepo by now like I was fully expecting to be, I am still here in the good ‘ole US of A.  For those of you who haven’t heard, I found out at the beginning of April that the visa agency I had been using is a fraud.  They never turned in my papers to the Consulate, continually lied about the Consulate needing more documents, and then left town with my money.  Thankfully, I was able to recover my papers including my passport and the extremely important papers that had come from the Orphanage and I praise the Lord for this!  I have found another visa agency to use that was recommended by the Consulate upon hearing about the situation and my papers have been sent to them.  Unfortunately, my visa is still not processing because of numerous delays at the Consulate and according to the agency that I am using, once my visa starts processing, it can take 2-3 months for it to be approved. 

I know that nothing happens outside of the sovereign will of God and He can use even a situation like this for the good and for His glory.  So, I am trusting in Him and asking you to join with me in prayer.  Please pray that the Consulate will accept all of my papers considering some of them were issued back in September when I originally began this process.  Please also pray that my visa will be approved by the Consulate with no additional problems and in God’s perfect timing.  Finally, please continue to pray that the Lord will bring me back to Nepo according to His perfect will.  Thank you for your prayers!  

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God.  Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.  Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25: 1-2, 4-5

 
Some of “my boys”......

Valentine's Day

Well, it’s been awhile and this is far overdue, so to my one faithful reader, this one’s for you….

 

Today is Valentine’s Day, a day to remember and cherish the ones we love.  Last year on this day, I had been in Brasil exactly three weeks and had only been at Nepo for four days.  This day was also the first time I cried since leaving home and having been bottled up for 21 days, boy did those tears flow when they started coming.  I didn’t cry because it was Valentine’s Day and I was away from those I loved (although some of the tears were probably for this reason), no, I cried because I was absolutely utterly overwhelmed with and unsure of everything.  I felt as though I was in a sink or swim situation and I had already drowned.  I questioned why God had brought me to Nepo and how I was ever going to survive another five months.  Looking back, I see God’s good purposes in bringing me there and how He not only pulled me up out of the water, but taught me how to become a better swimmer with every stroke.  It certainly wasn’t an easy process, yet through it all God was with me and did immeasurably more than all I thought possible. 

A year later, I am shedding tears again, because once more, I find myself overwhelmed and unsure of so many things.  You see, when I left Brasil at the end of July, my plan was to simply go home, get my volunteer visa, and be back to Nepo as soon as possible.  (You would think that by now I would have learned that “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” –Proverbs 19:21….yeah, the Lord’s still working on that with me J) However, as most of you know, since I’ve been home, I’ve had continual problems with my knee that was injured right before leaving Brasil and I’m now scheduled for surgery this coming week which means that my return to Nepo will not be anytime soon.  Not only are the details and timing of my return to Brasil so unknown, but as I wait, I’ve been trying to use this time to really get a grasp on the Portuguese language which has proved to be quite overwhelming.  The more I study this language, the more I realize just how much I don’t know and just how extremely difficult learning a second language can be!  So the tears come every once in a while when I think of all the unknowns about the next few months and when I study verb conjugations until I’m blue in the face and still can’t make heads or tails of infinitive, subjunctive, preterite, imperfect, pluperfect, conditional, and imperative tenses L  However, the tears really come when I hear stories from the home and my heart aches to be back there again.  Just yesterday, I found out that 3 more boys have left the home and won’t be coming back.  When I was in Brasil, I discovered the hard way with Jackson, Tata, and Jaimes, that this is the nature of this type of home and I know I’ve written it before on my blog, but even though I know this happens, it doesn’t get any easier when it does.  I guess what’s even harder this time around is the fact that when I left Nepo, I never really considered that I could potentially be saying goodbye to these kids forever, because as I mentioned, in my head I was coming right back.  So, it is difficult when I think of the 5 boys who were like family to me who have left since I’ve been away and to grasp the reality that they are now gone from the home for good and in some cases, back to circumstances that are not very good.  Yet, through it all, I cling to the truth that all of this has happened according to God’s plan.  I rest in His sovereignty and know that all of these situations are under His divine control.   All the while, I am learning to take one day at a time and trusting that God will bring me back to Nepo in His perfect timing.  I am striving to learn Portuguese to the best of my ability and not be too concerned with all of the crazy conjugations, knowing that God is bigger than any language barrier.  And, finally, I am thankful for this time in-between and cherish being here with my family and those I love in this hemisphere. J

  

But I trust in you, O LORD;

I say, "You are my God."

My times are in your hands…

Psalm 31:14-15a