Well, it’s been awhile and this is far overdue, so to my one
faithful reader, this one’s for you….
Today is Valentine’s Day, a day to remember and cherish the
ones we love. Last year on this day, I
had been in Brasil exactly three weeks and had only been at Nepo for four days. This day was also the first time I cried
since leaving home and having been bottled up for 21 days, boy did those tears flow
when they started coming. I didn’t cry
because it was Valentine’s Day and I was away from those I loved (although some
of the tears were probably for this reason), no, I cried because I was
absolutely utterly overwhelmed with and unsure of everything. I felt as though I was in a sink or swim
situation and I had already drowned. I
questioned why God had brought me to Nepo and how I was ever going to survive
another five months. Looking back, I see
God’s good purposes in bringing me there and how He not only pulled me up out
of the water, but taught me how to become a better swimmer with every
stroke. It certainly wasn’t an easy
process, yet through it all God was with me and did immeasurably more than all
I thought possible.
A year later, I am shedding tears again, because once more,
I find myself overwhelmed and unsure of so many things. You see, when I left Brasil at the end of
July, my plan was to simply go home, get my volunteer visa, and be back to Nepo
as soon as possible. (You would think
that by now I would have learned that “Many are the plans in a
man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose
that prevails.” –Proverbs 19:21….yeah, the Lord’s still working on that with me
J) However, as most of you know, since I’ve been home,
I’ve had continual problems with my knee that was injured right before leaving
Brasil and I’m now scheduled for surgery this coming week which means that my
return to Nepo will not be anytime soon.
Not only are the details and timing of my return to Brasil so unknown,
but as I wait, I’ve been trying to use this time to really get a grasp on the
Portuguese language which has proved to be quite overwhelming. The more I study this language, the more I
realize just how much I don’t know and just how extremely difficult learning a
second language can be! So the tears
come every once in a while when I think of all the unknowns about the next few
months and when I study verb conjugations until I’m blue in the face and still
can’t make heads or tails of infinitive, subjunctive, preterite, imperfect,
pluperfect, conditional, and imperative tenses L However, the tears really come when I hear
stories from the home and my heart aches to be back there again. Just yesterday, I found out that 3 more boys
have left the home and won’t be coming back.
When I was in Brasil, I discovered the hard way with Jackson, Tata, and
Jaimes, that this is the nature of this type of home and I know I’ve written it
before on my blog, but even though I know this happens, it doesn’t get any
easier when it does. I guess what’s even
harder this time around is the fact that when I left Nepo, I never really
considered that I could potentially be saying goodbye to these kids forever,
because as I mentioned, in my head I was coming right back. So, it is difficult when I think of the 5
boys who were like family to me who have left since I’ve been away and to grasp
the reality that they are now gone from the home for good and in some cases,
back to circumstances that are not very good.
Yet, through it all, I cling to the truth that all of this has happened
according to God’s plan. I rest in His
sovereignty and know that all of these situations are under His divine control. All
the while, I am learning to take one day at a time and trusting that God will
bring me back to Nepo in His perfect timing.
I am striving to learn Portuguese to the best of my ability and not be
too concerned with all of the crazy conjugations, knowing that God is bigger
than any language barrier. And, finally,
I am thankful for this time in-between and cherish being here with my family
and those I love in this hemisphere. J
But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my
God."
My times are in your hands…
Psalm 31:14-15a
