Mother's Day 2013

Last year on this day, I received my first Mother’s Day cards, was swarmed with hugs, and greeted with a chorus of “Happy Mother’s Day Kaytch!” from many of the boys.  This year, there were no cards, hugs, or greetings, because instead of being back at Nepo by now like I was fully expecting to be, I am still here in the good ‘ole US of A.  For those of you who haven’t heard, I found out at the beginning of April that the visa agency I had been using is a fraud.  They never turned in my papers to the Consulate, continually lied about the Consulate needing more documents, and then left town with my money.  Thankfully, I was able to recover my papers including my passport and the extremely important papers that had come from the Orphanage and I praise the Lord for this!  I have found another visa agency to use that was recommended by the Consulate upon hearing about the situation and my papers have been sent to them.  Unfortunately, my visa is still not processing because of numerous delays at the Consulate and according to the agency that I am using, once my visa starts processing, it can take 2-3 months for it to be approved. 

I know that nothing happens outside of the sovereign will of God and He can use even a situation like this for the good and for His glory.  So, I am trusting in Him and asking you to join with me in prayer.  Please pray that the Consulate will accept all of my papers considering some of them were issued back in September when I originally began this process.  Please also pray that my visa will be approved by the Consulate with no additional problems and in God’s perfect timing.  Finally, please continue to pray that the Lord will bring me back to Nepo according to His perfect will.  Thank you for your prayers!  

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God.  Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.  Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25: 1-2, 4-5

 
Some of “my boys”......

Valentine's Day

Well, it’s been awhile and this is far overdue, so to my one faithful reader, this one’s for you….

 

Today is Valentine’s Day, a day to remember and cherish the ones we love.  Last year on this day, I had been in Brasil exactly three weeks and had only been at Nepo for four days.  This day was also the first time I cried since leaving home and having been bottled up for 21 days, boy did those tears flow when they started coming.  I didn’t cry because it was Valentine’s Day and I was away from those I loved (although some of the tears were probably for this reason), no, I cried because I was absolutely utterly overwhelmed with and unsure of everything.  I felt as though I was in a sink or swim situation and I had already drowned.  I questioned why God had brought me to Nepo and how I was ever going to survive another five months.  Looking back, I see God’s good purposes in bringing me there and how He not only pulled me up out of the water, but taught me how to become a better swimmer with every stroke.  It certainly wasn’t an easy process, yet through it all God was with me and did immeasurably more than all I thought possible. 

A year later, I am shedding tears again, because once more, I find myself overwhelmed and unsure of so many things.  You see, when I left Brasil at the end of July, my plan was to simply go home, get my volunteer visa, and be back to Nepo as soon as possible.  (You would think that by now I would have learned that “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” –Proverbs 19:21….yeah, the Lord’s still working on that with me J) However, as most of you know, since I’ve been home, I’ve had continual problems with my knee that was injured right before leaving Brasil and I’m now scheduled for surgery this coming week which means that my return to Nepo will not be anytime soon.  Not only are the details and timing of my return to Brasil so unknown, but as I wait, I’ve been trying to use this time to really get a grasp on the Portuguese language which has proved to be quite overwhelming.  The more I study this language, the more I realize just how much I don’t know and just how extremely difficult learning a second language can be!  So the tears come every once in a while when I think of all the unknowns about the next few months and when I study verb conjugations until I’m blue in the face and still can’t make heads or tails of infinitive, subjunctive, preterite, imperfect, pluperfect, conditional, and imperative tenses L  However, the tears really come when I hear stories from the home and my heart aches to be back there again.  Just yesterday, I found out that 3 more boys have left the home and won’t be coming back.  When I was in Brasil, I discovered the hard way with Jackson, Tata, and Jaimes, that this is the nature of this type of home and I know I’ve written it before on my blog, but even though I know this happens, it doesn’t get any easier when it does.  I guess what’s even harder this time around is the fact that when I left Nepo, I never really considered that I could potentially be saying goodbye to these kids forever, because as I mentioned, in my head I was coming right back.  So, it is difficult when I think of the 5 boys who were like family to me who have left since I’ve been away and to grasp the reality that they are now gone from the home for good and in some cases, back to circumstances that are not very good.  Yet, through it all, I cling to the truth that all of this has happened according to God’s plan.  I rest in His sovereignty and know that all of these situations are under His divine control.   All the while, I am learning to take one day at a time and trusting that God will bring me back to Nepo in His perfect timing.  I am striving to learn Portuguese to the best of my ability and not be too concerned with all of the crazy conjugations, knowing that God is bigger than any language barrier.  And, finally, I am thankful for this time in-between and cherish being here with my family and those I love in this hemisphere. J

  

But I trust in you, O LORD;

I say, "You are my God."

My times are in your hands…

Psalm 31:14-15a

 

 

 

 

Videos

So even though I am not currently at Nepo, I thought I would write a brief update on what I am doing for the time being.  I am presently back in PA and absolutely loving the time home with family and friends J  I am cherishing this time as I know January will come all too quickly and again I will find myself saying goodbye to the ones I love in this hemisphere.  Lord-willing, I hope to be back down in Nepo by January, but before that can happen I need to get my volunteer visa.  I am in the process of getting together all of the documents that have to be submitted by both myself and the orphanage before I can officially apply for the visa.  During this process of obtaining my visa, I am also back to working at my brother’s chiropractic office.   Along with working, I am attempting to become fluent in Portuguese over the next few months.  However, the more I study the Portuguese language, the more I realize just how far from fluency I am, but hopefully I’ll be able to speak at least a bit better by the time I return J  Lastly, I am desperately trying to get my knee back to regular working order…the process has been much slower than I anticipated and my progress is not nearly what I hoped it would be by now, but at least it’s been a great lesson in patience J

Finally, the real reason I decided to write the preceding update is because I wanted to upload the following videos and felt I had to write a few words first instead of simply posting the videos J  I gave a presentation in my church this past Sunday about Nepo and my time there and used the first video at the beginning and the second video at the end of my presentation.  The first video shows a glimpse into life at the home with video clips shot by Viktoria, myself, and some of the boys.  The second video is just a sampling of the 9,700+ pictures I took during my time in Brasil J 

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Well, after all of that, I can’t figure out how to attach them below….instead, I’ve linked them to my Shutterfly share site.  Unfortunately, the quality of the videos and pictures suffered greatly in the uploading process and I can’t figure out how to fix it, sorry about that...I hope you enjoy anyway!
P.S.- Make sure your sound is turned up J



A glimpse into life at Nepo....video clips taken by Viktoria, myself, and some of the boys. 

Click here to view this video

A sampling of the 9,700+ pictures taken during my time in Brasil J   

Click here to view this video

July 17

Today is Tuesday, July 17.  In exactly one week, I will be arriving back in the United States and be reunited with family and friends that I have not seen in 6 months.  But, in exactly six days, I will be leaving Brasil and saying goodbye to the people who have become my family and friends for the past 6 months.  And to be honest, I have never felt such conflicting emotions at the same time.  I am beyond excited to see my family, hold my nieces and nephews, and spend time with my friends again.  I lie awake at night bubbling over with joy knowing that soon we will be reunited.  But at the very same time, I can’t sleep for the tears that run down my face at the thought of having to say goodbye to these boys that have captured my heart, this home that I love, and this life that has become my new normal. 

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Thursday, July 17, 2008….it was on this day that I had my first interview ever at Wattsburg Area Middle School.  That afternoon I was called back to schedule an interview with the superintendent the next day.  By the end of that next day, I had a contract in hand and was celebrating my first teaching job.  That night I was also celebrating the wedding of my dear friend Bethany and dreaming about when I might get married.  I never would have imagined that 4 years later I would be living life in Brasil, no longer teaching, still single, but more content and blessed than I’ve ever been.  I’m so thankful that God’s ways are not my own and that as the heavens are higher than the earth so His thoughts are higher than mine.  I don’t know what life will be like 4 years from now, but based on my past experience, I’m excited to see what will happen between now and Sunday, July 17, 2016, because I know that God can do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine. 

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Please pray for me as I finish out my last week here.  Pray that all of God’s purposes for me in these last few days will be fulfilled for His glory.  Please also pray for my travels….I had a knee injury a week and a half ago.  I’m still in a lot of pain and am unable to bend my knee, so traveling on a bus for 7 hours and then on an airplane for 12 should be somewhat interesting J  Thank you for your prayers….as always they are so needed and appreciated!

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

Neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Isaiah 55:8-9

My three 3-year olds came to bring me get well cards for my knee :)

Jaimes

First it was Jackson who left, then it was Tata who was taken from here, today it was Jaimes.  After the departures of Jackson and Tata, I learned to cherish every day with the boys here because I never quite know when it will be my last and they will be gone.  After the events of this afternoon, I know that I am a long way from learning this lesson completely.  I’m also learning that even when I attempt to treasure each moment I have with these boys, it doesn’t make it any easier when they leave, in fact, it makes it that much harder.  When Jaimes first left the orphanage back in February, he had run away after breaking into our house and stealing our things and we were left feeling shocked and sad.  Today, Jaimes is gone again, except this time he left under much different circumstances, but we are still left feeling shocked and sad. 

This afternoon was like any other, I was helping Marcela in the office when we saw three ladies arrive at the orphanage.  I assumed they were social workers, but something about their mannerisms gave me a bad feeling about the purpose of their visit.  They came into the office and started talking with Marcela as I listened intently desperately wishing I understood Portuguese better.  Even with my limited Portuguese, I understood that they were here to take Jaimes and when I heard this, I desperately hoped I had misunderstood what they were saying.  However, I did indeed interpret it correctly and I found myself walking with Marcela up to Jaimes’ room, gathering his things, putting them in a bag, and returning in a daze to the three social workers all the while trying to remind myself to breathe.  While we were gathering Jaimes’ belongings, Gerson had gone to pick him up from school.  Once he came back from school, hugs were exchanged, goodbyes were said, tears were shed and just like that, in less than an hour, Jaimes was ripped from our lives and taken to live with an aunt in Tres Pontas who all of a sudden is interested in having him live with her. 

While it is hard to see Jaimes go and I still can’t quite comprehend the fact that he is gone for good, I have so very many reasons to be thankful for the time that I had with Jaimes both before he ran away in February and after he was returned in April.  One of those reasons far surpasses all the others though and to explain why let me take you back to the night of May 7^th.  That evening I was helping Marcela in the homework room like usual.  There were four boys left in the room, Jaimes, Alan, Bruno, and Reinaldo.  All of the boys had finished their homework except for Jaimes who was working on his Algebra with the help of everyone else.  They were all chatting with Marcela and I wasn’t understanding much of the conversation (which is pretty typical J) when I realized that the conversation had gone in a more serious direction.  Even though I didn’t understand most of the words that were being said, I knew that they were talking about God and when Marcela started drawing a cross on the paper, I realized that she was explaining the message of salvation to these boys.  I began to pray, watch, and listen carefully.  What I saw unfold before me could be described as nothing less than a miracle as I had the absolute privilege and blessing of witnessing these four boys, who have come from every walk of life imaginable, ask Christ to be their personal Lord and Savior. 

My prayer when Jaimes returned in April was that he would know he was forgiven and loved by us, but more than that, I prayed that the forgiveness and love he saw from us could be used to help him understand the forgiveness and love that is found in Christ.  On the night of May 7^th, that prayer was answered.  So while it was really tough to say goodbye and it is really sad to know that Jaimes is now gone for good, I praise God for and rejoice in the fact that while I will probably never see him again in my lifetime, I will spend all of eternity with him J

But as for me, it is good to be near God.

 I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;

I will tell of all Your deeds.

Psalms 73:28

Mother's Day

Today I received my first mother’s day card.  (Just to set the record straight, no, I have not had any biological children since I’ve been gone.)  Words can’t sufficiently express what my heart felt when Wagner and Antonio gave me the mother’s day cards they made for me or when the other boys ran over to say “Feliz Dia Das Mães!” and covered me with hugs and kisses as I came out of our house this morning. 

Today was not the first time though that I have been called “mom.”  While there have been numerous occasions where I have been referred to as “mom,” I vividly remember the first time this word that has so much significance was used by one of the boys here in relation to me.  I was helping Alifer with his homework and as he was working and we were talking together, he looked up to tell me something and called me “mãe.”  He realized what he said and quickly uttered “tia” which means “aunt” and is what most of the boys call the women who work here.  But when this sweet little six year old with big brown eyes looked at me and called me “mom,” my heart became a little more attached and a little more convinced of my purpose here. 

Soon after coming to Brasil, I knew it wasn’t a matter of if I would return but more a question of when and for how long.  That being said, I have been praying about the when and the how long and seeking God’s will for my future.  I believe that God has been revealing His plan to me for some time now, but I have been unwilling to completely surrender and this past week I was faced with the ultimate test.  Before I explain, let me share with you a quote from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest: 

 

“Paul was determined that nothing would stop him from doing exactly what God wanted.  But before we choose to follow God’s will, a crisis must develop in our lives.  This happens because we tend to be unresponsive to God’s gentler nudges.  He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him and we begin to debate.  He then providentially produces a crisis where we have to decide- for or against.  That moment becomes a great crossroads in our lives.  If a crisis has come to you on any front, surrender your will to Jesus absolutely and irrevocably.”

During my time so far in Brasil, I believe that God has been gently nudging me towards returning and as Chambers describes, I have begun to debate where He is leading me.  Meaning, in my mind, I’ve been thinking about doing a 6 months here, 6 months back in the States for the next couple of years, justifying this rationale with the fact that I already have my tourist visa and it’s good for the next ten years so I might as well just use it.  However, I know that this option so appeals to me because then I can have the best of both worlds, I can live this life I love so much in Brasil and yet still see my family and enjoy the comforts of home for half a year.  I know that this plan would be my choosing and not God’s desire for me.  And just like Chambers states, “He then providentially produces a crisis where we have to decide- for or against.”  This past week, God provided this crossroads, this crisis where a decision had to be made.  On Tuesday, I received an email from one of the teachers that I used to work with.  She shared with me that the teacher who took over my position is moving up to 7^th grade next year which means that they will need a 6^th grade science teacher for this coming school year.  She then went on to say that they want me to come back and take over my former position.  Talk about a crisis….I love teaching, specifically I loved teaching 6^th grade science, but I especially loved the middle school where I worked at- the kids, my fellow teachers, everything about it.  So this was where I found myself this past week- faced with the ultimate test.  I could choose to go back to the life I loved…a secure, profitable job in a position I loved, a life close to my family and friends, a chance to have my summers off to enjoy going to Western Camp and Belize, the opportunity to see my nieces and nephews grow up and be their favorite aunt J, the comfort of a life I am familiar with, the list could go on and on.  And while none of these things are bad, in fact they are all very good and I know that if I choose this life, I could still glorify God and be used by Him, but while all of this is true, I am convinced that if I choose this life, I would not be following where I know God is leading me, I would not be fulfilling His plans for me and what He has called me to do.  And so I recognize this truth from Jeremiah 10:23, “I know, O Lord, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps” and I am trying not to direct my steps but instead relinquish my will in complete surrender to where God is leading me.

Here’s My Life

Lyrics by BarlowGirl

Once again I said my goodbyes to those I love most

My heart feels that familiar pain as I long for home

‘Cause this road is hard when I feel so far

God I’m crying out tonight cause I’ve given You my life

But I’m tired and I’m missing what’s behind

So once more, here’s my life

On the day that You called my name

All that I knew changed

I found when I said “yes” that I would never be the same

Though the call is hard, You are worth it all

God I’m crying out tonight cause I’ve given You my life

But I’m tired and I’m missing what’s behind

So once more

Even when the tears are falling

When I find I fear the calling

You remind me

Words You’ve spoken over my life

Promises I’ve yet to see

You comfort me

God I’m crying out tonight cause I’ve given You my life

But I’m tired and I’m missing what’s behind

So once more, here’s my life

Here’s my life

Nepo Newsletter

The following is another update I wrote for the Nepo Newsletter and am posting here for those of you who do not receive the newsletter:

Dear Friends,

Hello again!  Well the month of May has already arrived and with it the cold weather has come.  It amazes me how it can be so freezing in the mornings and evenings and yet hot enough in the afternoons that you can still get a sunburn.  J   Along with the cooler temperatures, the beginning of May also brought a change to our typical routine for a few days.  The boys did not have school for the first two days in May because of a Brasilian holiday and we were able to enjoy having a relaxed schedule and special activities with them.  One of these was a five day event in the town of Nepomuceno.  Several of the churches in town organized a soccer tournament which began on Friday and ended on Tuesday.  The tournament was held in the center of town and along with enjoying watching and playing soccer, there were trampolines, games, snacks, and a variety of other activities the boys enjoyed participating in.  Because it was organized by the churches, the event also had several worship services after the games which included singing and sermons.  It was such a blessing to see so many people from so many different churches gathering to corporately worship our God and fellowship together.  Along with this, it was also really neat to see the boys interacting with their friends outside of the orphanage and to see them in a different context.  As I watched their interactions, I realized that these boys who have so many heart-breaking background stories of abuse and neglect and the scars and emotions they deal with because of that are also just like other “typical” teenage boys who have to deal with peer pressure from friends in regards to girls, looking cool, fitting in, etc.  And as I came to this realization, I was again reminded of the absolute need to cover these boys in prayer.  Pray that they will make wise choices and not give in to peer pressure.  Pray that they will realize that ultimately nothing will satisfy them the way only the presence of Christ in their life can.  Thank you for your prayers and support! 

In Him,

Katy Pavkov